Pop Parody

Twitter is a social networking tool that asks one simple question: “What are you doing?”  And as far as I can tell, out of the six million estimated users, not one has gotten the answer right.  And the folks who are running Twitter have not bothered to let them know that none of the answers provided are what they’re looking for.

The end result, of course, is a site filled with people trying to tell me what they’re having for lunch.  It’s sad, really, because even though I know some of these people pretty well…I couldn’t possibly care less what they’re having for lunch.  Unless they’re sharing with me, which they’re clearly not doing since I have to read about it.  In which case, they’re just teasing me.  “Hi, I’m eating this, and you’re not.”  That’s not very nice.  Do you eat Twinkies in front of starving Ethiopian children? Of course not, partly because the plane ticket costs more than the experience can justify.  Gas prices are kind of high, if you didn’t notice.

So why do you feel the need to tell me about your lunch?  Perhaps it’s because some people feel as though they are just that important.   That I really and truly care what you’re chewing into unrecognizable goop and temporarily storing in an acid filled chamber only to be partially absorbed and expelled from your body in a couple of hours?  You know I don’t, and yet you foist this information upon me.  While we’re on the subject, don’t tell me about that last bit either.  It’s an image I could do without.

So before you try to tell me what you’re doing, for the love of all things good and right in this world, ask yourself if you would care if I had twittered it to you.  Until then, everything you post is Spitter.

Oh, and the answer that Twitter is looking for is: “Answering the question ‘What are you doing?’”  Perhaps someone would be kind enough to spit that so we can end this madness.  I killed my Twitter account months ago.

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